


Astonished Heterosexual People Gasps

by stubliminalmessaging



Series: Fic!February 2015 [19]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, M/M, Oops, everyone in the office thinks they're straight, i'm the funniest person, this fic is so funny okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3478847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stubliminalmessaging/pseuds/stubliminalmessaging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait,” said Andrea from the lunch room rather suddenly. “You and Ian... you’re not best friend roommates at all,” she blanched, staring at the boys where they stood holding their beers. “You’re homosexuals.”</p><p>“She’s not wrong,” Ian said, taking a swig of his beer. “Anything else?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Astonished Heterosexual People Gasps

“Ian,” Greg, Ian’s shift manager, said as he stopped by Ian’s cubicle. When Ian looked up from his computer he went on. “Do you want to work late and get some overtime?”

 

“Sure,” Ian said without hesitation. “What do you need done?”

 

“I just need you to do some data entry,” Greg told him. “Shouldn’t take more than a couple hours.”

 

“Alright. Can I make a personal call then? I need to let Mickey know.”

 

“Oh?” Greg asked. Mickey was another worker at the same company, he just worked on a different floor. “Why?”

 

“Well we were gonna have a few drinks and get dinner somewhere tonight,” Ian replied. “Just gotta let him know we have to do it later.”

 

“Ah,” Greg said. “Go ahead. Make sure you save your work frequently and swipe your time card on the way out.”

 

“Got it,” Ian said, and Greg left him to call his friend and reschedule their plans.

 

-

 

                “Did your wife make that?” Andrea, a woman who worked across the floor from Mickey, asked as she eyed the tuna casserole he had heated up for lunch.

 

                “No, Ian did,” Mickey replied after he’d swallowed his mouthful of food. Andrea looked up to the redhead where he stood heating up his own lunch, which based on the smell was the same casserole. She looked back at Mickey and he added; “We live together. He’s a way better cook than me.”

 

                “Oh. That’s nice,” she commented, watching as Ian took his heated-up food from the microwave and came down to sit down with Mickey. Andrea watched them make small talk and eat from the next table over. She turned back to her own lunch thinking it was so nice that two boys could live together so efficiently. They must have been really good friends.

 

-

 

                “Morning Mickey!” Susan, Mickey’s cubicle neighbour, greeted. She was way too cheery for a Friday morning. The only good thing about this morning was that tomorrow was the weekend.

 

                “Hey Susan,” Mickey mumbled, dumping sugar into his coffee. He rubbed at his eyes while he stirred.

 

                “So what are you bringing to the barbecue tomorrow?” Susan asked.

 

                Mickey could feel the preliminary headache throbbing behind his eyes despite the barbecue not being until tomorrow. As much as he loved the practically worshipful attention Ian had given him the night before he really could have used the extra couple hours of sleep. “What?” he asked blearily.

 

                “The employee family barbecue tomorrow,” Susan replied in a tone she probably thought was helpful but felt condescending. “You and Ian are on the list, with a plus one. Who’s the plus one?”

 

                “Probably my kid,” Mickey replied. He vaguely remembered Ian mentioning this shitty barbecue but he’d thought it was weeks away.

 

                “Oh,” she sounded disappointed. “I thought maybe we’d finally meet your wife.”

 

                Mickey shrugged. “I could bring her, I guess. She’s not really into family shit though.”

 

                “Bring them both!” Susan chirped. “You’re only down for one plus one but one more body can’t hurt. I’ll bring extra potato salad.”

 

                “Great,” Mickey said into his mug.

 

                “Oh, will you need a ride? It’ll be at Greg’s sister’s farm. It’s a little bit out of town but the property’s so nice,” she said. “And what about Ian? I’m sure between the ladies on our floor we could find rides for you and your brood. And Ian, of course.”

 

                “I can borrow my sister’s car,” Mickey said. “It’s already got the kid’s car seat in it.”

 

                “Perfect,” Susan gushed. She kept rambling about salads and sides and Mickey tuned it out. He’d have to do some real bitching and complaining to his boyfriend after work tonight for fucking up what could have been a perfect lazy Saturday full of sleeping in and eating junk food.

 

-

 

                Svetlana had complained about the last minute plans but had eventually given in. Ian looked too fucking pleased with himself as he tried to get Mickey to hold his hand while he drove. Mickey resisted and kept both hands on the wheel. He wasn’t really mad at Ian, just grumpy since he’d been counting on a day of not getting dressed or going anywhere. Needless to say, Ian did not get his usual good morning blowjob from Mickey. When he rolled over and pressed his morning wood against the small of Mickey’s back he pushed a pillow against his face and got out of bed to shower _with the door locked_.

 

                He got dressed in a not-offensive t-shirt that he hadn’t even cut the sleeves off of and put on his good jeans. He got Svetlana to put cover-up on his knuckles so he’d be family friendly and he was ready to go. He got Yev dressed and packed his school bag with things to entertain him in case he didn’t like any of the other kids, and met his wife and boyfriend by the door.

 

                Svetlana had put on a nice summer dress and Ian looked really fucking good in the green polo shirt he’d washed especially for the occasion. It brought out his eyes and made his hair look even redder and – right. He was mad at Ian for signing them up for this stupid barbecue to which he wore a nice shirt and looked hot. Jerk.

 

                That afternoon saw Ian and Mickey and Svetlana piling into the car with Yevgeny and two cheesecakes and a sweet potato casserole. The drive to Greg’s sister’s farm was about forty minutes long and by the end of it Ian regretted everything he’d ever done since Mickey and Svetlana teamed up to bitch at him relentlessly.

 

                Always the convincing actress, the second Svetlana stepped out of the car and into the sea of middle class white people she was all smiles and fluttery eyelashes. She handed off the casserole she’d made to the host and took a cheesecake off Mickey to do the same with it. Then she hung by Mickey like a good wife was expected to, taking breaks to eat and play with Yev. He took to the other kids like flies on shit so there wasn’t much playing with him they needed to do, which left them open to even more awkward social interactions with their coworkers.

 

                “So how long have you been married?” Susan asked, predictably obsessed with their marriage. She wasn’t the only one, since most of his coworkers hadn’t even known Mickey was married.

 

                “Too long,” Mickey replied.

 

                Svetlana laughed indulgently, like ‘oh you’ and answered; “Almost seven years.”

 

                Susan’s husband whistled. “It’s a start,” he joked, elbowing his wife.

 

                “Is not husband’s longest relationship,” Svetlana said. “He has been with same person since he was teenager.”

 

                “...what?” Greg asked, breaking the silence that had fallen on the little cluster of people they stood in. Ian stared down at his Diet Coke and Mickey scratched at his stubbly jaw.

 

                “When you start fucking orange boy?” Svetlana asked, poking at Mickey’s shoulder. “Seventeen? Eighteen?”

 

                “He was sixteen,” Ian offered.

 

                “Yeah, for you maybe,” Mickey said with a roll of his eyes but didn’t deny anything. “But I guess you’re right...”

 

                “Wait, you’re... married _and_ you’re dating someone?” asked Helen from HR who had silently been listening up until this part.

 

                “Yeah,” Mickey replied. “Never wanted to marry the bitch but shit happens I guess.”

 

                When she saw the slack jaws and wide eyes, Svetlana waved them off. “Is alright. We have system. I do not like the penis and he does not like the pussy. America, yes?”

 

                After a beat, Susan rounded on Mickey. “You’re _not straight_?”

 

                “He takes dick really well for a straight guy,” Ian snorted, met with astonished heterosexual people gasps.

 

                Mickey arched his eyebrows, ignoring Ian. “That a problem?” he asked.

 

                “No, not at all-“

 

                “Gays are the pillars of my neighbourhood-“

 

                “You know I’ve always loved Ellen Degeneres-“

 

                “Wait,” said Andrea from the lunch room rather suddenly. “You and Ian... you’re not best friend roommates at all,” she blanched, staring at the boys where they stood holding their beers. “You’re _homosexuals_.”

 

                “She’s not wrong,” Ian said, taking a swig of his beer. “Anything else?”

 

                “Is that why you turned me down last month, Ian?” asked Natalie from security.

 

                “Yeah... that’s why,” Ian replied, leaving out the part about the love letters and the time she had spiked his coffee. “That’s definitely the only reason. Sorry Natalie.”

 

                Natalie sighed and since the drama was dissipating the gossipy ladies they worked with drifted away and their husbands went with them. She sauntered past Ian, pausing to tell him; “If you want to switch it up or make your man jealous, you should know where to find me,” before she went off to sexually harass someone else.

 

                “Can’t fuckin’ take you anywhere without someone trying to get up on your dick,” Mickey mumbled, finishing his beer.

**Author's Note:**

> when ian had to work late in the first scene mickey went and got them some fast food for dinner and brought it back to the office once everyone else was gone and they ate dinner together and fucked on ian's desk yep B)


End file.
